dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
