Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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