I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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