Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
