We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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