WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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