When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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