I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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