I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
