We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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