You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
