I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
