I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
