In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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