it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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