Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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