the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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