apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
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You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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