she was so not down for the gang bang
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
