Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
