i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
