She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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