By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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