Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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