Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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