someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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