On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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