i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
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I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
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Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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