Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
