Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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