How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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