What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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