apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
