I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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