I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
