but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
