Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
