Already got asked if we're dating
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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