I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
