I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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