i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
