Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you had me at cake vodka
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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