he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
