she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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