it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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