Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
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you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize