New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
