you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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