why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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