i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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