it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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