so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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