We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
