you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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