I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
