is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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