the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
