***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
